After many years of trying to set personal goals in various ways and then failing to stick to them, I’m finally having some success. I can’t claim all the credit for this. To get from someone who has never been able to be consistent at anything, to someone who appears to be making the [...]
If you want to imagine the world your children are heading into, imagine this: imagine living in a world where everything everybody says or has ever said to you or about you is available online for anyone to find. In that world there are no secrets. At any point in time I can find out who your friends are and I can find out whatever I want to about them as well. Imagine how much I would know about you and about what you do. It’s coming because the internet wants this. Not because it’s evil, finding your every secret and making it public, but because it wants to show you more stuff you might like. It’s all about targeted, personalised and customised experiences. And by experiences I mean advertising. It’s called Social Search. Google it.
It makes sense because your social circle has things in common with you, such as your interests, your lifestyle choices and your income level. You probably have conversations right now when you see your friends and colleagues, recommending what to buy and where to shop. The internet has broadened that social circle beyond people you physically meet and has given you new ways in which to have conversations. It’s those conversations that the internet wants to make sense of, to make sure your surfing experience is more relevant to you, more personalised, more likely to get you to spend.
So is this world we’re heading into really so bad for our children? The fact is that I do have a lot in common with my friends, and a more personalised internet experience makes sense because if I’m going to have to see adverts, at least make them relevant. And it’s not like my social circle is a secret, I’m proud of my friends, proud to be associated with them. So go ahead. Link me to my friends. Profile me. Profile my family.
But it could be bad, really, really bad. We can only begin to imagine how that information will be used in the future, but I’m sure that advertising will only be one part of the story. Employers and Universities will be able to screen applicants based on their entire life history, not just the academic and professional history we provide, the resume as we think about it may even cease to exist, because as the x-files said “the truth is out there”. They will be able to work out what ‘type’ of person you are and whether that means you are likely to be a success, or not. In a similar vein insurance companies will be able to profile you based on what they uncover about you, about your family history, and not what we tell them on the forms we fill out. Whatever the end use of the information is there will certainly be companies compiling information on you, and trying to sell it, and someone will buy it to gain some form of advantage.
The first step towards this has already been taken, the information capture mechanisms (Search Engines, Email, Social Networks and Instant Messaging Applications) are in place and we’re all adding to their database of content stored against our user names every single day. The next steps are to connect it, index it and start searching it. That’s more or less happening as I write. And the internet has no delete button. It’s all their forever. That information is immortal. Everything you have written and continue to write is sat somewhere, waiting. 2 trillion people sending emails, 2 billion typed Google searches every day, 400 million people providing instant updates about themselves, 1 million blog posts every day. All stored, eternal, indexed, containing information about you.
It’s one thing to compromise your own privacy but how much of what you write contains information about your children?
I think this is an important topic for parents because we’re all on here talking about our children, and then allowing our children to talk about themselves. We act like the internet makes us anonymous, but it does not, it does exactly the opposite, and we need to make sure our children understand that. We need to be careful when we broadcast about our families. We need to think of the internet as a recording device, something that saves everything we say. We need to make sure that the information we give out will not create problems for our children in the future.
Of course not everything is damaging. There’s an obvious difference between putting a cute photo of your kids online and telling the internet that their grandparents died of cancer; one is a cute photo, the other is an indication of a genetic tendency to cancer.
I don’t have the answer. I don’t have any real tips yet. I’m thinking about it and I’m working on it but for now all I can really offer is a word of caution. When you type you are providing information forever, you don’t know who will use it or how, but be sure that before you hit submit it’s not something that could impact your children when someone Google’s their name in 20 years.
I mentioned in a previous post what the bionic dad syndrome is but it turns out that it’s not gender specific. The “bionic mum” has suddenly taken up crazy craft projects to make things for our expanding family. She just spent an entire week and more than a little cash in learning how to make cuddly toys.
She bought the materials. Bought a sewing machine. Took some lessons. Took a pattern from a book, she highly recommends by the way, and finally unveiled her creation. If I’d videoed the reaction I would have hit the you tube jackpot.
“No. No. No. Daddy. Pick me up. Pick me up. PICK ME UP”
My heart broke for my wife. Our child rejected her first cuddly toy creation. She took it well but I suspect she was hoping for excitement, not terror. Still, she’s not giving up so I reckon there’ll be a few more creations like this one hanging around our house in the coming weeks.
I’m open to suggestions for what to do with the monkey, or if you can give it a good home let me know. Maybe I’ll send it to you.
We should all encourage healthy eating in our children, most of us do that by making sure they eat the right things, but how many parents have you come across who report that their children will only eat junk food despite eating well in their early years? One possible reason for this is that they are eating only what they saw their parents eating. Children learn a lot from observation, so it follows that to make sure our kids make the right food choices in their later life, we need to let them see us making the right food choices for ourselves in their early life.
I decided to make sure that my child sees me eat a lot of fibre rich foods. There is a family history of high cholesterol and bowel cancer on both sides of my parents, making fibre very important to us. The problem I found was that while I can use Doctor Internet for research it doesn’t give me very much to work with. It gives me tables of statistics, or statements like ‘eat more grains’, but really that just means I’m back to people creating pages for ranking and traffic, not actual use. So, as usual, I did it myself.
First I needed a little science, not too much, but just enough for me to explain to my family what they are eating. I came up with the fact that there are two types of fibre. One type turns into a jelly after you eat it (that’s the soluble type). It helps to make you feel full for longer by helping your body take it’s time to digest the food, as well as soaking up bad cholesterol. The other type (the insoluble type) acts like a cleaner, it collects up all the stuff your body doesn’t need and helps get it out of your body. Obviously you need both.
The amount you should eat is a tough one to establish. Opinions vary from country to country and medical advice ranges anywhere from 20g to 38g per day. Making it even harder is the fact that scientists have struggled to work out how much fibre exists in food, apparently it’s complex. One thing on our side though is that foods generally contain a 50:50 mix between soluble and insoluble and that’s roughly how we’re supposed to split the amount that we eat.
I decided to simplify the entire thing. I reasoned that by finding easy fibre rich foods that I could include in my weekly shop, I would be pretty confident that I’d be seen eating the right foods without number crunching or over thinking. This is the list I came up with:
That’s it, just 7 easily palatable, easily prepared foods high in fibre. If I ate all that each day I’d be eating somewhere between 36g and 42g of fibre. I don’t, but I try, I probably get to about 25g on average though. My aim is for my family to see me eating those foods and that is certainly being achieved.
As ever, if you have any comments, corrections, arguments or suggestions, send them in.
One of the most controversial parenting conversations I come across is how much television young children should be allowed to watch. The topic is heating up right now with the Get Up and Grow report coming from the Australian government, recommending that children under two not be allowed any television at all. This is generating sensationalist headlines in the popular media, probably throwing parents all over the world into a crisis of guilt.
It’s a very different story if you investigate further, which in line with this blog is what I did. If you want the quick version here it is: there is no evidence that young children watching age appropriate television have retarded development, there is no evidence that young children watching age appropriate television have increased development, what is important is that healthy development is being encouraged by the carer.
A no-brainer really. But if you want the longer version keep reading.
It’s normal to worry about this as a parent. We worry about what we put in their bodies at meal time so it’s only natural to worry about what we put in their minds as well. For the most part we all know that children develop through human interaction, physical interaction and creative play, but what we don’t really know is what television adds or subtracts from that. It’s why so many of us look to Doctor Internet for advice and when we read in the media that children who watch television know less words than children who don’t.
Here’s something interesting: there are studies that discovered television viewing was irrelevant when other factors such as the level of the parents education and household income come into play. In other words children of low educated, low income families tend to be slightly less developed than children of higher educated, wealthier families. The fact that the low educated, low income families tended to spend more time in front of the television was possibly largely irrelevant. The studies couldn’t be sure.
I should state at this point that my wife is a primary teacher and so I have access to a lot of literature on this topic. One of the books floating around our house that I have read is this one:
Endangered Minds: Why Children Don’t Think And What We Can Do About It
It’s not a bad read, but she does make statements in one part of it about the influence television has on children and then state later on that there is almost no evidence to support that statement.
The “no evidence” trend goes on the more I look, for example other studies I have read, conducted in the US, continue to support the view that there is no link between television habits in young children and their development as adults. Although some of them imply that they felt there should be, they just couldn’t find the evidence for it.
The only fact that I could find is that none of the studies can be sure. Wilbur Schramm was a noted expert in the field of human communication. He is quoted as stating that “No informed person can say simply that television is bad or that it is good for children” and that “the relationship is always between a kind of television and a kind of child in a kind of situation.” He said that a few years ago but I think that still pretty much sums up the studies being used to justify the ‘no television’ agenda in the media.
This does not mean you can sit your child in front of the television and not worry about it, you still have a responsibility as a parent. There are reasons why you should be concerned with and aware of, the television viewing habits of your child. Firstly media is evolving faster than our ability to understand the impacts of it; your child is being exposed to marketing and technology that didn’t exist when we were children and we have no experience to base our parenting choices on. Secondly, as children develop they learn what influences to take into account when making choices, if you want your children to be influenced by you as a parent more than the marketing team behind Dora the Explorer then you need to put effort in to make sure you are by far the stronger influence.
So if television, all things being equal, and properly managed, is harmless, can it be extended to being beneficial? This would be the argument put forward for buying developmental media such as Baby Einstein. From what I have read those products don’t hurt, but they don’t benefit particularly either. What they may be doing is making parents feel less guilty about sitting their children in front of the television unattended. Essentially creating a guilt free electronic baby sitter.
The final point I would like to look at is the scariest claim of all; watching too much television causes autism. I have a good friend who told me this and because of that she does not allow her children to watch television at all. I looked into the study reported in the mediah, that generated her belief. What it actually showed was that autism in the UK was four times more likely to occur in areas of high rainfall. The correlation being claimed was that higher rainfall equals more time viewing television. I probably don’t need to go into the problems with that any more than to say I think it’s more likely genetic factors are at play here, as opposed to how much it rains.
I guess it would only be fair to end this article by laying my cards on the table. We allow the television to be on, only showing channels that contain no advertising, and only when one of us is present to make the experience more interactive. On my wife’s advice we join in with the television show to encourage movement, language and creative play. I’ve been an owl, a tree, a worm and danced to elephant music, and that was just last week! It works for us and seems to be working for our child, at her last assessment she had extremely high vocabulary skills for a child of her age.
As ever, feedback and comments are welcome.
I only need 3 iPhone apps to help me with my health and fitness and they cost me nothing. If you’ve got more then you may be focussing on the tools and not the outcome; you may be thinking of the apps as a shortcut. As I have said: there are no shortcuts.
Google “best free fitness apps” and you can wade through 150 million pages. Mostly you’ll be looking at lists of apps pulled in by the sites straight from the Apple store, these are just attempts to generate traffic, a simple and easy story to get a high Google ranking, covered in ads to claw in a little revenue. The apps I’m about to recommend I use daily. They came to me through suggestion, trial and error. I’m an actual user of these apps, not a paid reviewer.
Firstly: what you don’t need
You do not need any form of workout routine or phone based personal trainer. An app cannot manage your fitness any better than a book could. Only you can do that. If you think you need an app to work out then you are unlikely to succeed because you are relying on a tool to achieve what you feel unable to do yourself.
You do not need a calorie database or calorie counter. If you’re on a diet or think you need a diet then you already know what you should eat, right? A calorie app is not going to tell you anything new, or make you thin. Buying one implies that you think information equals success. It does not, so focus on the right thing, your own motivation.
App 1: The camera
The iphone comes with one of the best tools straight out of the box. The camera. Keep a food journal by photographing everything you eat. The best advice you can get from any dietician is to keep a food journal. It forces you to see what you eat and from that you are able to take control. The iPhone camera has a camera roll, time stamping and so it can be used as the perfect food journal. If you need more information on how just email me or leave a comment.
App2: A weight tracker
You need a way of tracking your weight in a way that lets you see the trend over time. This is because the trend is more important than the daily fluctuations. Adjusting what you eat based on daily changes is not sensible. Your weight creeps up and down constantly so if you see an increase one day you may be tempted to panic and starve yourself the next day. That is one reason why diets fail. A trend line allows you to adjust your diet based on the trend over a number of weeks and so there is less of a temptation to panic. I recommend the free (lite) version of True Weight because it shows a 3 week trend line which is all I find that I need.
App3: An activity tracker
So far I’ve described a way of recording what I eat and recording what I weigh, so the final app is one that records what I do; tracking activity. Nothing beats trail guru for this as a free app in my opinion. You need to set up an account at Trail Guru and once done the app will track your movement when it’s on. The site will record that over time, and will give you reports on such things as distance covered, method, and calories burned. I would link to a review of this app but mostly those reviews are based on simple short trials, to really understand how to get the most from this tool you need to use it. You can contact me for more information or just go the Trail Guru site and explore the forums and FAQ’s.
And that’s it. Just 3 simple applications. As these are free apps it means that the developers don’t get paid for their efforts directly by you so you should consider donations and clicking through on any adverts presented to you as a way of showing your support.
This morning my wife was updating me on the problems some of our friends are having with getting their kids to eat. The child psychologists call this particular parental pleasure “food refusal”.
If you Google this topic to see what Doctor Internet has to offer you’ll see a lot of articles by ‘experts’ and a lot of forum posts by stressed parents. Like most of the parenting advice I read online it’s conflicting and overwhelming. My bet is that the Phd’s and child psychologists don’t have any more of a clue after their years of study than I do after my time parenting, but what I do have is some tested practical advice to offer other parents out there. One thing I am going to state first though, is that if you suspect in any way that food refusal is being caused by a medical condition then you need to see your doctor. Now on with the tips.
Tip 1: Stay in control
When a child won’t eat it triggers anxiety in all of us, but particularly in mothers because their impulse is to nurture. At the risk of sounding condescending, you have to control that anxiety. I find that easier than my wife, perhaps because as a bloke I feel less of that nurturing instinct, so often I take over when we encounter food refusal behaviours.
Tip 2: Remind yourself you’re dealing with a child
This might seem obvious but it’s easy to forget when you’re getting stressed. I’ll bet at 2am in the morning when your child just won’t let you sleep you’ve felt like shouting at them. It’s the same with food refusal. This isn’t personal, you’re just dealing with a rapidly developing child who is learning what to do and which buttons to push.
Tip 3: Don’t assume it’s long term
It’s easy to think that the problem will never go away, that there’s something wrong, that the child is somehow broken. We’re so used to hearing about how perfect life could be with the right quick fix that when we encounter a problem, which by the way is probably entirely normal, we assume somehow we have failed forever.
Tip 4: Pace yourself
As adults we tend to treat meal times as a rush job, something to do as quickly as possible. That’s why we invented fast food. We want as much gratification as we can get for the least amount of effort we can put into it. That’s a very 21st century ideal. It’s not great for kids. You have to change your mind set to feed a child. It’s also important to remember that the more time you take to eat, the easier the food is to digest and the more control you have over when you get full. That’s important for your health as much as theirs.
That’s 4 tips broken down with some suggestions for you. I’m realy just voicing the opinions I have developed based on my research , my trial and error as well as on conversations and observations with my friends. If you have any opinions or suggestions of your own then by all means comment below or send them in.
After many years of trying to set personal goals in various ways and then failing to stick to them, I’m finally having some success. I can’t claim all the credit for this. To get from someone who has never been able to be consistent at anything, to someone who appears to be making the right lifestyle choices for the first time, I needed help. So I followed somebody else’s process.
The Magic Lamp: Goal Setting for People Who Hate Setting Goals
Keith Ellis hasn’t written much, mostly just the book I’m recommending and a cyber thriller which I haven’t read, but what he wrote on goal setting I think is brilliant. It’s only got 19 reviews on Amazon, mostly positive, but it’s ranked around the 17,800 mark in terms of Amazon sales which is quite a healthy ranking.
What it’s got going for it is accessibility, simplicity and what you could call memorability. In other words it’s the kind of book you can read easily, follow easily and remember easily. For a self help book it’s much more likely to work for you than a more complex or over engineered manual.
The book describes a simple 4 step process to setting goals. The first step, listing and prioritising the goals, was a real help to me. I’m the kind of person who fails in goal setting simply because I want to do too much; not because I’m unmotivated but because I’m too motivated in an unfocussed way. Following Keith’s thinking on how to change this really made me realise the relative importance of my various intents. The second step is to JFDI, to actually get on with it, which helped me break my inertia. The third step is about managing and monitoring your progress and the final step is to just keep going, a section in which Keith Ellis helps you to predict and prevent all the many things that can derail you from your goals.
The book does have it’s weak points, certainly in the marketing spin in the book. It does not contain a secret and there’s nothing about this book specific to people who hate setting goals, other than the fact that it’s probably the simplest approach you can read. You’d have to want to set goals before buying it anyway.
Right now this is the only goal setting book I recommend. I’ve read alot of snake oil on this topic and this isn’t that. Many of my friends and family have bought this book on my recommendation and there is a well thumbed copy of it right beside my bed.
I have come to the realisation that there are no shortcuts worth taking. I believe that advertising and marketing that tell you otherwise is snake oil; companies employing experts to convince you that they have the quick and easy answer to whatever ails you. Child not sleeping at night? Here’s the book to solve it! Overweight? Here’s the pill to fix it! Need a nutritious breakfast for your family? Here’s a sugar coated, machine formed, empty bunch of calories in a colourful box that your kids will just love!
If you’re reading this you may be considering trying some of these things. I know I have.
Over the years I have tried the health, lifestyle and diet fads. I have low calorie, low carbohydrate, high fibre, antioxidant rich, organic cookery books for adults and children stacked in shelves all over my house. I have books and DVD’s on parenting, education (the bionic wife is a primary teacher), schemes, themes and shortcuts, all guaranteeing that they will help me to be perfect and to raise the perfect child. That doesn’t mean I believe any of them.
“The Bionic Dad” is actually a phrase coined by one of my best friends. His theory was that after the birth of your first child you become aware of your failings and so become driven to develop into more of a role model. This results in parents embarking on fitness drives, lifestyle changes and the taking up of sports long since consigned to the back of the wardrobe. At the time I thought it was a stupid idea. Now it’s happening to me. Now I’m online.
So I am going to describe my experiences and the things I have experimented with and am now trying in relation to my goals as a parent. If I had to sum up what being a bionic dad is I think that it means being healthy and wise.
My wife and I began a family about 18 months ago. At that point I decided that I needed to bring together my thinking on topics such as health, lifestyle and parenting. I had no strategy to help my kids navigate this increasingly complex 21st century and I needed one.
It took me some time after the birth to go from being aware of the problem to doing something about it, but eventually I began to make progress. I’m finding ways to navigate the mess of information available to us all every day in the media.
I made the decision to take this self improvement project of mine online. This was based on a very selfish reason; if I can connect with other parents like me then I can learn from them and perhaps make this project more than I can on my own.
So I’ll be writing about issues that concern me as a parent. Mostly based on my research and experiences.
